I've realized that I hate money because I never seem to have enough of it. Time is another resource that appears to be slipping through my fingers at an alarming rate. I'm 22. I shouldn't be freaking out about getting older yet. But the sad fact is that I know I'm not doing what I know I'm capable of. Here's the basic floorplan of my dilemma: I know that I like working in aviation, I dare say that I'm even good at my job, but it's not my passion. For the past couple years I've been struggling with myself about college, namely WHY I was even going. I've tried on so many different visions of myself; first The Graphic Designer, which of course didn't fit because I discovered that not only are paying jobs hard to come by in that field, they typically don't pay that well to begin with and I was over being broke all the time by age 19. Next up was The Interior Designer. Not a badly paid position, and really if you watch HGTV, apparently not a hard job to score after graduation. The problem? Getting into the junior-senior year coursework. For some inexplicable reason, schools like to accept a large amount of freshmen into the interior design program, but only about 18 get to progress on to their junior year.... I'm not big on busting my ass for 2 years (and paying for it myself) only to have the door slammed in my face. I'll admit I gave up on that one before I even gave it a chance. Then there was The Architect. Not sure what planet I was residing on when I came up with that one. I hate math more than just about anything and it only took one semester of semi-advanced college algebra to bring me to the harsh realization that the required-for-graduation Calc IV would eat me alive. At that point I'd been working at Duncan for a little while and I decided that maybe airplanes were my calling and I just didn't know it for previous 21 years. So the next plan of attack was to enroll at Purdue full time to pursue a degree in aviation technology and the coveted A&P license. That one seemed to be the most realistic plan and I got so motivated to do it that I started planning out which online classes to take while I continued working and what loans I would be eligible for once it was time to take my learning experience to West Lafayette, and even what apartments near campus I could afford, and mapping out my plan to drive home every weekend to be with Shaun -- then came the Michigan-Purdue football game last October. I was so pumped to go see the campus that I would someday be living on, I could barely contain myself. It took approximately three and half hours for all my excitement to drain away, as that was exactly how long it took to get there from our apartment. Three and a half hours. I was down for the count. There was NO way I would be able to conceivably make that journey back and forth each weekend. And then there was the tiny problem of my not being fully convinced that I wanted to work on aircraft til I die.
And then I gave up for a while. I spent some quality time feeling sorry for myself, bemoaning the fact that I'd NEVER finish school and I'd always be a failure, blah blah blah. Then, one evening while I was loafing about in my funk, I found myself deeply engrossed in an episode of Iron Chef America and then a realization slapped me across the face. FOOD. I want to play with my food for a living. I was watching the show and I was so ENVIOUS of those chefs and what they were doing was so incredibly exciting to me. They were literally making art that not only looked incredible, it tasted fantastic. That's artistic ability on two levels, and artistic ability is literally the only thing that I possess that sets me apart form just about anyone I've met. So there it is. I figured out what I want to do, but the problem still lies in just how I plan to go about it. Culinary schools are basically non-existent in Michigan and I know its pathetic, but I really have no desire to live away from home for any extended period of time. There's a community college about an hour away that I could go to, and that looks like my best option right now. But then there's the problem of getting financial aid because its only a two-year degree. Also I'm concerned that a degree from a community college won't be taken seriously by potential employers. In short, its my fear that's holding me back.
Besides school, I recently came to the conclusion that we'll need to buy a house before we get married. So that brings up the money situation again. If we buy a house, how I will I afford school? I just feel like I'm running out of time. Just getting by really sucks. Hey but at least I have a job right??? I think I'll punch the next person that utters that phrase....
